“To better serve you, we have added the following charges to your account…”
To better serve who? Oh: To better serve you up to our shareholders as a revenue stream. Gotcha.
There’s a word for that. Continue reading
“To better serve you, we have added the following charges to your account…”
To better serve who? Oh: To better serve you up to our shareholders as a revenue stream. Gotcha.
There’s a word for that. Continue reading
A cunctolimen is a kind of place that many of us hate to pass through, but nearly all of us do pass through several times a day. And some of us linger there. Which is why many of us hate to pass through it.
You know. You’re going through a door and someone ahead of you has stopped right there, checking out the surroundings or finishing texting on their phone. Or some people have chosen the spot right where the theatre lets into the lobby to have a conversation circle. Or you step into the subway train and the person in front of you stops right at the door rather than moving in to all that room in front of you, buddy. Or you’re at the top of some steps and someone is having their movie moment, pausing for the nonexistent camera as they survey what’s below. Or you’re getting off an escalator and the person ahead of you is not moving forward and hey! Scuse me! Sorry! Continue reading
I was chatting pleasantly on the phone with my parents when my dad asked me what I thought of the most recent action of a certain notorious politician of my region. About three minutes later, as I paused my tirade for a moment to inhale, my parents said it was getting late and they had to head off.
Well, yes, it’s a bit of a fault. I confess to being detonent. I can be quite calm and sanguine, and then something will bring to my mind the actions of someone perfectly awful, and for a short, intense time I am Thor hurling lightning bolts from on high, the environs echoing with the thunder-blasts. And then it’s back to birds chirping and a gentle breeze wafting away the smoke. Continue reading
Does this word disorientate you? Or should I say disorient you?
We have many ways to innovate in English, to form new words, and one of them is to press existing words into new uses. We can do this by adding a suffix, and we can also do it by adding no suffix. So, for example, we have the word orient, meaning ‘the east’, and we make it a verb meaning ‘point to the east’ or ‘find the east’ or just ‘know which way is east and which way is west’. If we’re in England, we are likely to add a suffix and make the verb orientate. But if we’re in North America, we’ll go with the older version of the verb (older by a century, mid-1700s instead of mid-1800s), the version that, like so many English words, was formed by what linguists like to call “zero derivation” – that is, a new form is derived from the old one with zero change of form. We say orient.
You see, two important but typically competing forces in the evolution of language are economy and clarity. One the one hand, we don’t want to expend unnecessary effort; on the other hand, we need to be clear (or our listeners will expend unnecessary effort, or perhaps by not understanding us will cause us to expend unnecessary effort). So we are incentivized to innovate and incented to innove. Continue reading
I need a new key purse. The one I bought just a year or two ago is falling apart already (!). But it’s hard to find one with the necessary features: it has to be able to hold a few bills and some coins, it has to withstand getting wet on occasion (I sometimes go running in the rain, for instance), and it has to have well-made, usable zillets. Not a ring, zillets, and not crappy ones either. Continue reading
There are days it’s so brutally muggy, the air is like sludge. You bear a grudge against the humidity. And at the same time it’s broiling sunny and warm. When you step out it’s like having a blanket taken half-done out of the drier and tossed on you. If you make the mistake of exerting yourself at all, you may as well have trudged through a car wash. What I’m saying is that it’s not just muggy, it’s brudgy. Continue reading
“Toronto area man accused in multiple robberies.” “Minneapolis area man missing after flood.” “Calgary area man struck by pickup truck.” “Dayton area man wanted in gas-and-go.”
Boy, what is it with these area men? They all seem to be ne’er-do-wells and schlimazels.
“Area man” is such a staple in journalism that it has become a staple of the parody news source The Onion. In The Onion, he’s typically a local person of no account who has an ill-founded opinion, or thinks something is important that really isn’t, or just keeps running into the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to.
If there were an opposite of a superhero – not an antihero, not a villain with superpowers, but just a basic loser – Areaman would be a good name for him.
What if I told you it already was? Continue reading
It’s just amazing how much money you can throw away with no return for no damn good reason.
Some of it is just lost coins in your couch, change dropped on the street, maybe a dollar you see disappearing through a sewer grate… maybe a twenty blown into the lake. Ouch.
Some of it is theatre tickets you forgot about. “When was that show?” [Checks tickets] “Um… two days ago.” Some of it is hotel or airline bookings made for the wrong day or the wrong place and not discovered until too late. Ouch!
For some people or companies, some of it is due to a misplaced comma or decimal in a contract. Now, that can really hurt. Continue reading