Monthly Archives: April 2026

cozen

You hardly even notice it happening to you, if they’re good at it. They cozy up to you, almost like a brother, or at least a cousin, and they get you into what feels like a shared simpatico space – a kind of co-zen co-zone. But eventually, you realize you have been separated from your money or your moral principles, or at the very least a pretender has gained entry into your inner circle. You have been cozened.

It doesn’t sound very likely? Oh, my friend, it happens by the dozen. They catch you dozing, or simply with your guard down, and you’ll gladly supply in your own mind the story of why they belong where they are.

And this “they” includes words. Such as cozen. It’s a kind of Jay Gatsby of a word, except that by the end of The Great Gatsby we know where Gatsby really came from. We’re still not sure where cozen came from. There are a couple of good, interesting-looking, often-accepted possibilities – but they both present, as the Oxford English Dictionary says, “difficulties, which the extant evidence is not sufficient to remove.”

One account has cozen coming from Italian cozzonare ‘cheat, play the knave’, from a term for a horse-breaker. The problem with this is that it’s not clear how it got from Italian to English, or why English spelled it with an s in the middle at first and only later gradually changed to z, and never used a double z. For an Italian relation, it sure seems English, or perhaps French.

The other account is a literal relationship to cousin: a cozener, or cousoner, as spelled in 1561, was reported to be someone who travels around and pretends to people to be a kinsman so as to be a parasite on them. You know, a knock on the door, and it’s some travelling person who introduces himself as your distant cousin Fred, who’s been travelling and is passing through town, and could you happen to spare a bed, et cetera. You take them in and are taken in by them. Of course, this kind of thing was much easier to pull off in 1561, not just because these days it’s easier to check (though scammers still do impersonate family members, usually by text message now) but because in our culture today we are more likely to direct some purported unkown relative to a hotel.

The problem with that etymological account, however, is that the historical spellings of this word have generally been with -on or -en, whereas cousin has long been spelled with -in. So, again, it looks good but not quite right and something doesn’t altogether add up and the connection can’t be attested all the way.

Cozen has to have come from somewhere, of course. But its disguise is good enough, and its origins murky enough, that we may never know for sure. And, frankly, we’re kept off balance from the very start by the relation between its spelling and pronunciation, which – while not without precedent – is nonstandard, and by the presence of that uncommon and eye-catching z. There’s something fascinating about it. How can you not see yourself taking it in… or vice versa?

berserk

“It really was bizarre,” Maury said. “She just went berserk.”

“Biting her shield, like?” I said. “Immune to flame and blade?”

“What?” Maury said. And then he remembered that those were reputed characteristics of the berserkers, the Norse wild-man warriors from the age of the sagas who would go into frenzies, biting their shields, fighting almost demonically, undaunted by fire and swords. They were highly effective – but vulnerable to blunt instruments. “Oh,” he said, “no, sorry to be a buzzkill. She did not mount a bazooka to her shoulder or some other absurd thing. She is Norse, yes, but a Norse of a different colour.”

“So what happened?”

“As I said, we had been for ‘beerskis’ and brisket at the local brasserie, and then, while dancing a mazurka to the sound of a bouzouki played by a busker, I made myself so brazen as to suggest she invite me over for dessert.”

“How brash of you.”

“But she was not brusque in response. She led me to her flat, where I observed that she is a busy baker and had some lovely butterfly-shaped palmiers at the ready.”

“So much better to bite into than a shield,” I said.

“And no need for a knife,” Maury added. “But I feel I may have ruined the mood by being a bit blunt.”

“Well, you were probably a little hammered,” I said. “What did you say?”

“I was just wandering around the room, like a berk, and I picked up a picture from the buffet and said, ‘Who’s this babe?’”

“Was it a picture of her?”

“Well, I thought it was. It was a bare-skinned baby lying face-down on a bearskin rug.”

“That certainly seems appropriate for a berserker,” I said. I knew that Maury knew that the word berserk comes from Old Norse for either ‘bare skin’ – as in they fought while unclad – or ‘bear skin’ – as in they were clad in bearskins.

“And it would have been,” Maury said, “had it been of her. But she snatched it from my hand and went into a cleaning frenzy the likes of which I have seldom seen.” (Well, I thought, that’s appropriate: berserkers got things done briskly.) “Every loose piece of paper,” he continued, “odd book, what have you, she gathered up and stuffed them in a drawer that, I glimpsed, was also loaded with brassieres and other such business.”

“Did she explain?”

“No – rather, she attacked me. But in a good way, I guess. She grabbed me and started smooching me. Perhaps to take my attention away from anything she had missed ablating.”

“So did you find out who was in the picture, and why she went berserk?”

“I got an idea,” Maury said, “when I heard the door buzzer. She rushed over and pressed the intercom and a voice said, ‘Bazinga!’”

I looked at him quizzically.

“It seems,” he said, “she has a boyfriend. Who had arrived on a surprise visit.”

“Ah, well,” I said. “Them’s the breaks. And how did he react to your presence?”

“No idea,” Maury said. “I escaped via a window. But perhaps she will tell me on Wednesday – we have another date.”

I gave him a steady look. “You’re a real wild man.”