brandish, brandy

Maury’s Icelandic friend Brandur is quite the firebrand. As I entered Domus Logogustationis, he was brandishing a book and a bottle of Bas-Armagnac and shouting – in a style perhaps more of Russell Brand than of Marlon Brando – “What. Is. This. Word. Brandywine!”

I approached Maury and leaned close. “Is he on a bender?”

“No,” Maury said. “In fact, we were just about to have the first cocktail of the evening. A Berlin.”

“Ah, yes, a splendid beverage, though best had second.”

“We’re out of vermouth,” Maury said.

Brandur slapped down the book, which was a cocktail manual. “Look!” It listed the ingredients for a Berlin as “1 part Becherovka, 4 parts brandywine.”

“How very quaint,” I said.

“Do they think they’re Tolkien?!” Brandur exclaimed.

“Perhaps in a token way,” I said.

“I just want to know,” Brandur said, “is brandywine redundant, or is it a contradiction in terms? After all, brandy is not wine. But it’s made from wine.”

“It’s just the long form,” I said. “The short brandy was clipped from it, or else it was clipped and altered from the Dutch source, brandewijn, of which brandywine is a somewhat anglicized version.”

“At least it’s made from wine,” Maury chipped in. “Unlike that caraway-flavoured vodka with which you Icelanders get carried away.”

“Brennivín!” Brandur said.

“Same word,” I said. “In origin. Imported into Iceland, and localized; the liquor it names was not so easy to import, and impossible to make with domestic crops, and so the spirits were also localized. But, yes, brandewijn means ‘burnt wine’ or, more broadly, ‘cooked wine’.”

“And as brandywine and brennivín have the same origin,” Maury said, “so too does Brandur.”

“What!” said Brandur, brandishing the book. “My fine name refers to a burning log, or a sword!”

“Yes,” I said, “all from the same root. The Proto-Germanic *brinnaną, meaning ‘burn’ or ‘be on fire’, gave us English burn and its assorted Germanic cognates, such as German brennen, as well as brand, which started as a word for a burning log or piece of wood – a firebrand – and came to name a hot piece of metal, such as is used for branding animals and barrels of spirits, and also a sword, flaming or otherwise. And it is from that weapon sense that the French verb brandir came, meaning ‘flourish a weapon’, and from that – which is conjugated nous brandissons, vous brandissez, et cetera – came English brandish.” I nodded to the book, which he was still wielding at head level.

“And now,” Maury said, “let us lift our spirits another way, by pouring some of this brown river into this mixing vessel—” He began to free-pour the Armagnac into a cut-glass pitcher.

Brandur wagged a finger. “Ah, ha, I know what you did there. Brandywine, Brown River.” He turned to me. “In The Lord of the Rings, the Brandywine River’s name is a reanalysis of baran duin, ‘brown river’.”

“Or, in the real world,” I said, “baran duin was backformed by Tolkien, given that he had already given the river the name Brandywine and needed to come up with an in-world derivation.”

As Brandur and I chatted, Maury continued the mixing: he added an appropriate amount of Becherovka (Czech bitters, if you don’t know) and some ice, and stirred, and then strained it into three glasses. “Friends, the Berlin,” he said.

“So called because of the Brandenburg Gate?” Brandur said.

“That’s a rather clever connection,” I said. “Pity Brandenburg isn’t actually related to brandy.”

“It might be,” Maury said, raising a finger.

“Well, it might be,” I said, “but it might not. We’re not entirely sure. But that’s not why this cocktail is the Berlin. It’s so called for the same reason we ought not to be having it as our first drink.” I reached for the cocktail book, which Brandur had set face down open to the appropriate page, and showed him the epigraph on the recipe:

First we take Manhattan, then we take Berlin. —Leonard Cohen

“I see,” said Brandur. “And does it matter what brand of brandy one uses?”

“Cognac, Armagnac, but nothing cheap, please,” said Maury. “That would be disappointing.”

“Speaking of which,” I said, “where’s the garnish?”

“Withheld for safety reasons,” Maury said.

Brandur furrowed his brow and looked in the book. “Ah,” he said, and read aloud: “Orange zest, burnt.”

quick

I’m reading the autobiography of Geddy Lee, and so I’m listening to even more music by Rush than I usually do. And on Moving Pictures – the classic album that includes “Tom Sawyer,” “Limelight,” and “YYZ” – there’s one song that always quickens my pulse, but especially in times of revived prejudice and reactionary fervor: “Witch Hunt.” The song opens with discordant strings and the dark sounds of a mob, which, I read in Wikipedia, “[Alex] Lifeson explained was recorded outside Le Studio on a cold December day, with the band and others shouting, warmed by a bottle of Scotch whisky.” (I’m not sure how hygienic that was.) The lyrics build to describe xenophobic book-burners, “Quick to judge, quick to anger / Slow to understand.”

Quick. They were quick, and their victims were dead. It cuts to the quick – but in more ways than you might think. In the paragraph you just read, there are (along with quick and quickens) six other words all etymologically related to quick: biography, revived, Wikipedia, Lifeson, whisky, and hygienic. And if I were to point out that Le Studio, in the Laurentians of Quebec, was like a zoo of internationally famous recording acts, that would add a seventh.

I’ll go through them one by one. Let’s start with the origins of quick, though. As you may know, or may have surmised from phrases such as the quick and the dead and cut to the quick, its original meaning was not ‘speedy’ but ‘alive, living, lively’ – and it is from the ‘lively’ sense that it extended through ‘active’ and ‘vigorous’ to ‘speedy’, a sense that first showed up in the 1300s and, by the end of the 1800s, was the dominant sense. But quick, its Latin-looking qu notwithstanding, was cwic in Old English, and that came via Proto-Germanic from Proto-Indo-European *gʷeyh₃- ‘live’, which is the source of quite a lot of other words relating to life – not all of which have the same kind of kissing mouth gesture as [kwɪk].

One of those words is Greek βῐ́ος (bíos) ‘life’, which appears in biography. Another is Latin vivus, ‘alive’, root of revived. Another is Greek ζῷον (zõion) ‘animal’, root of zoo (via zoological garden). Yet another Greek word from the same source is ὑγιής (hugiḗs) ‘healthy’, root of hygienic. And then there’s wiki, as in Wikipedia, which comes from Hawai‘ian wikiwiki, which is a borrowing and reduplication of English quick – a rather quicker etymology than the others.

And then there’s Lifeson, as in Alex Lifeson, the guitarist of Rush. But, ha ha, I’m pulling a fast one with this – you see, life is not etymologically related to quick. But Lifeson is his stage name; it’s a translation of his actual name, Živojinović, which in the original Serbian is written Живојиновић. A translation? Yes, the Serbian name means ‘son of life’, and ‘life’ in Serbian is живот, žìvot, which is indeed from the same Proto-Indo-European root, *gʷeyh₃-, via Proto-Slavic.

And then there’s whisky. It comes, clipped and modified, from Scots Gaelic uisge-beatha, ‘water of life’. It’s a translation of Latin aqua vitæ, and you will know that vitæ is related. But so is uisge-beatha. But while, as Ogden Nash wrote, candy is dandy but liquor is quicker, it’s not the whisky (uisge) part that’s related to quick, sound resemblance notwithstanding. No, I’ve pulled another fast one: uisge means ‘water’; beatha means ‘life’, and that is the word that is related – you may notice (if you squint) the resemblance of Proto-Celtic *biwos to the Greek bíos.

And so we see how one root has quickened many modern words (and there are still more in other languages), in some cases sneaking away after a brief kiss. Words are the stuff of life, and their ways are many and mysterious.

Oh, but did you notice one more word up there that’s related in sense but not etymologically related? Take a quick look and see if you can spot it.

It’s Rush.

obsequious, bosque

You know what obsequious means, I’m sure. You’re far too intelligent, well-educated, literate, and lexically endowed not to. But if I were to venture a definition in my prolix, fatuous way, I might say that it means something like ‘obvious sucking up’, like a weak, squeaky blob, a queasy wuss, fawning, sycophantic. 

Or I could just say, anagrammatically, that it is the way of “IOU bosques.”

No, of course obsequious and IOU bosques are not etymologically or, per se, semantically related; you’re far too clever for me to put one over on you like that. But allow me to explain, if your patience will tolerate me for so long.

Obsequious is transparently Latin; it comes, following a course of derivation, from the verb obsequor, ‘I comply, I yield, I gratify, I oblige, I submit’, et cetera. That is in turn formed from ob- ‘toward, against’, as obvious, object, and so on, and sequor ‘I follow, I pursue, I comply’. You could say it means ‘I obviously follow your will’. The word obsequious has been in the English language since the 1400s; at first it just meant ‘compliant, dutiful’, but by the time Shakespeare used it it tended to imply extremely or ostentatiously so. There is a related word, obsequies, that refers specifically to the obligations surrounding funerals, and obsequious has also been used (even by Shakespeare) to mean ‘dutifully observant of funerary rites’, but that is merely a side branch.

However, speaking of branches: in all this, bosque is very much in the woods, bush league, as it were. It has a classical connection – Latin boscus – but that came into Latin from Frankish, which came from Proto-Germanic, and so this word has various cognate cousins, such as English bush and bosk, French bois, and Dutch bos. But while the Spanish word bosque means, simply and broadly, ‘forest’, the English borrowing of it – said the Spanish way, which is like Canadian “bosk, eh” – has a narrower sense… sometimes as narrow as just a row or two of trees on either side of a river bank.

For that is what, in English, bosque means: a gallery forest that follows a river or stream (or lakeshore) on a riparian flood plain. Look at an aerial view of the Rio Grande between Santa Fe and El Paso and you will see 500 kilometres of winding bosque, following the river obsequiously, obviously seeking hydration. Like all obsequiousness, there is no great depth to the bosque; get away from the river and it becomes dry, arid, not lush with trees or bush. But, oh my, how the bosque flourishes and flatters as it follows the flow of the water. 

And so, likewise, should you choose to be obsequious to someone, you have decided that, for them, “IOU bosques.” You will treat it as their due for you to lavish lush love over them for what they can give you… though you may quietly cast shade where they can’t see.

vain, vane, vein

Would you fain be a vane, swivelling with the wind, empty of intrinsic direction, with no sound sense? Nothing more than a conduit, like a vein for the weather? Such a vain existence it would be!

Vain? Do I mean self-centred? How could that be, for one without any independent identity? Do I mean that the efforts would be in vain? But what efforts?

No, I mean something in another vein. I mean the original sense of vain: ‘empty, devoid’, from Latin vanus (or vana or vanum), as in the verse from “O Fortuna,” which is set in the opening of Carl Orff’s Carmina Burana:

status malus
vana salus
semper dissolubilis

you are evil
devoid of safety
forever dissoluble

(The latter two lines could be translated more laconically as “not sound.”)

You may know this sense better in the famous line from Ecclesiastes, rendered in the King James Version as “Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.” The Latin – also well known – is “Vanitas vanitatum, dixit Ecclesiastes; vanitas vanitatum, et omnia vanitas.”

But is vanity really the right translation? They just used the English word that was descended from the Latin word, but the English word has shifted in sense, now usually focused specifically on material things and self-centred interests – the sort of thing decried by the preacher of Ecclesiastes, and by many a preacher since, as without intrinsic merit or durable virtue (though many modern preachers seem not to see worldly riches as empty, except inasmuch as they want to empty others’ accounts into their own). In the Latin of its time, vanitas was ‘emptiness, nothingness, falsehood, deception’. So “vanitas vanitatum” could be “emptiness of emptinesses” or “void of voids” or “fake of fakes.” Or, more idiomatically, in the words of the more modern New International Version, “‘Meaningless! Meaningless!’ says the Teacher. ‘Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.’” (The Living Bible, which calls itself a paraphrase, makes this “In my opinion, nothing is worthwhile; everything is futile.”)

But let me make a small digression, if I am able (I can if I may). The original verse from Ecclesiastes was not in Latin; it’s part of what Christians call the Old Testament, otherwise known as the Hebrew Bible. And the Hebrew word that vanitas translates is havel (הבל). 

Not as in Vaclav Havel, Czech president and author of such works as The Garden Party, a play in which a young man finds himself a position in the government Liquidation Office by speaking in empty clichés and at length loses his identity. No, that Havel comes from Latin Gallus, meaning ‘rooster’ – you know, like what you see raised on a weather vane. But the Hebrew havel means ‘vapour, breath’ or ‘air that remains after you exhale’ or, by extension, ‘nothing’. 

As it happens, Havel (הבל) is also the name that has come into English as Abel – you know, the second son of Adam and Eve, liquidated by his brother Cain in a fit of envy because God liked Abel’s sacrifice better: Cain grew vegetables, while Abel raised livestock. Cain’s victory was hollow – but on the other hand he had progeny and Abel was unable, having lost himself. (The relation of Abel’s name to the word meaning ‘nothing’ is subject to scholarly disagreements. According to different accounts, there may be something to it, or it may just be a coincidence of sound, signifying nothing.)

But any effort to connect all of that to which way the wind blows is in vain, not in vane. The weather vane, though it is devoid of its own direction, conveying only the sense of the air that passes by it, is not related to vain. Nor is it related to vein, which comes from Latin vena, meaning ‘blood vessel’ (which could also be an artery; the direction of flow was not specified in Latin as it is in English) and any of many things that similarly carried a flow, such as a watercourse or a vein of ore in a mine. No, though we would fain find sound meaning in coincidences of sound, these too signify nothing. Instead, vane comes from something that has itself changed direction over history: Old English fana.

This word has changed in two ways. The first change is sense: fana meant ‘cloth, banner, flag’; modern cognates such as German Fahne mean ‘flag’. But today, a vane is not flappy fabric at all; it is rigid metal, and its rigidity allows it to show more surely which way the wind is blowing. But speaking of which way the wind is blowing, consider the breath that has gained voice between Old English and now: the f in fana

Yes, the second change is sound. In the English of southern England, f in some contexts got a [v] sound, which we see, for example, in vixen, changed from f as in fox (you will notice the vowel also changed, for other reasons). This is also what happened between fana and vane. (It did not happen to fain, but that word – meaning ‘gladly’ or ‘glad’ – is unrelated; it came from Old English fægen.) 

Another thing that happened is that long a, which used to be like in father, shifted, along with the other long vowels of English, and now blows differently: there is no [a] at all in it now, only [eɪ]. And the other a in this word, which was short, lost its identity: it was phonetically emptied and is now not sound, and it is written with e, the usual letter for a vowel that is no longer there, serving only to show you which way the previous vowel blows.

Well, even if the other sounds have changed – not only in vane but also in vain (vana) and vein (vena), since Latin v was [w] or [u] – at least the n remains. Which is either suitable or ironic or both, as n is a well-known variable.

calypso

He came off the boat, onto an island, and he wandered far and long; at last he came to where there was refreshment, and a place to stop and stay. And he partook of the intoxicating beverages, and of the nourishment, and he was at ease. But at length he looked towards the water, and he longed for his wife, who was across it; but he could not leave, because of Calypso.

Homer’s Odyssey, book 5? Maybe. But my Wednesday, after work? Certainly.

How could that be? Was I in hiding, perhaps, from the crypto bros of the apocalypse? Or entrapped by a goddess, kept concealed for seven years, until at last I could step up?

Oh, I was there at the behest of a goddess, to be sure, but she was my wife, who was coming to meet me. I had made my own small odyssey – a six-kilometre walk from the other end of the island, rather than taking the ferry to the dock a hundred metres from my destination – but not all who wander are lost. The Calypso that had me get on the island and was keeping me there was a local calypso band called Shak Shak, performing in the evening at the Island Café (in its new quarters, after the old one was incinerated by a fire a year and a half ago)… and I had to arrive early and bide my time to stake a spot. Seven years? No, but a couple of hours. I was, it is true, served intoxicating beverages by a woman from a foreign land, but they were beers, I had ordered them and would pay for them, and the woman was the Venezuelan bartender.

Why go to such lengths for calypso? My friends, if you’re asking, you haven’t been where calypso is being played live. It really is a musical intoxicant, almost guaranteed to make you come on and dance:

Which is how it got its name. Well, its first name… but then there were wanderings. Calypso music, you see, is descended from kaiso music; both are from Trinidad, the southernmost Caribbean country, just off the shores of Venezuela. Kaiso comes from Ibibio and Efik phrases meaning ‘come on’ or ‘get on’, which are said as encouragement, sort of like “Bravo!” And, as far as we can tell, the word kaiso got so encouraged that it got on and wandered and grew until it became calypso.

Which, of course, was already known as the name of a goddess (specifically a nymph) who held Odysseus in thrall on her hidden island for seven years, until at length he began to pine for his homeland and his wife. The island of Calypso was named Ogygia, as opposed to the island of calypso music, Trinidad (or the island I was on for calypso, Ward’s Island, which is not actually its own island but part of Toronto Island).

And Calypso’s name did not mean ‘come on’ or ‘get on’. No, it came from Greek καλύπτω kalúptō ‘I cover, I conceal’ – because Calypso concealed: she hid Odysseus from everyone else for seven years. This word καλύπτω also has a mysterious resemblance – mysterious because it’s not clear how they’re related; they may have come from unrelated sources and over time gained greater phonetic resemblance because of their similar sense – to κρύπτω krúptō ‘I hide, I cover, I conceal’, the source of our modern crypto.

Well, perhaps in the fullness of time we will find out exactly how Calypso and crypto are related, and exactly how kaiso came to be calypso. At the end, we are told, all will be uncovered, revealed – the cover will be taken away: ἀποκάλυψις ápokálupsis ‘uncovering, revelation’, from ἀπό (apó, ‘away, back’) and καλύπτω. Which is, of course, the etymon of apocalypse… But a revelation doesn’t have to involve incineration; it can just be when the band comes on stage and begins to play.

Which Shak Shak did. And there was no cover – although a jug was passed around, and we put some cash into it. (They also had a tap machine for cards, but they weren’t taking crypto.)

At length, Calypso, in spite of her love for Odysseus, heeded the direction of the gods of her time and gave him the means to make a boat and cross the water home to his wife. And at length, my wife and I, in spite of our love for calypso, heeded the god of the time tables and made it to the boat, got on, and crossed the water home, away from the island and calypso. But we can always listen to calypso at home, even if it’s not quite the same as being there. Here’s a concert video of the Mighty Sparrow, one of the greats of calypso, who I saw in concert more than 30 years ago in Edmonton (not this concert, just to be clear):

Pronunciation tip: French cuisine

It’s been a while since I’ve done a pronunciation tip video, and it’s mainly been because I wanted to do this one but I was hoping to do some kind of stunt for it such as making coq au vin. Well, I made coq au vin less than a month ago, and I was too busy cooking to make a video. So never mind. Here, for those who want to know the French pronunciations, is how you say 65 food-related terms from French that show up in English: aigre-doux, aïoli, à la carte, à la minute, à l’orange, amuse-bouche, apéritif, au jus, baguette, bain-marie, béarnaise, béchamel, beurre manié, beurre noisette, bon appétit, bouillabaisse, bouillon, bouquet garni, brioche, brunoise, chiffonade, confit, coq au vin, cordon bleu, coulis, court bouillon, crème brûlée, crêpe, croissant, croustade, demi-glace, digestif, en croûte, entrecôte, fleur de sel, foie gras, fricassée, hors d’œuvre, julienne, lyonnaise, macaron, macédoine, Madeleine, mélange, mesclun, mirepoix, mise en place, moules marinières, pain d’épices, pain perdu, papillote, pâte à choux, pâtisserie, piperade, ratatouille, rouille, roux, salade niçoise, sauce bordelaise, sole meunière, soupe du jour, tournedos Rossini, velouté, vichyssoise, and vol-au-vent.

caboose

When you were a kid, did you always wave at a caboose when you saw one?

There are four possible answers:

  1. Of course!
  2. That was before my time.
  3. What’s a caboose?
  4. Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? That would get me slapped!

Well, there is a fifth possible answer – “No” – but I think the only people who would say that would be ancient mariners. You see, though it’s now often used to mean, um, “booty,” caboose has gone on a long and interesting trip, starting in the same place you might find booty but perhaps on a higher deck. I mean that it started out as food storage, whereas now it’s, um… Let me put this another way: it was a place where you could really get cooking, whereas now it…

OK, let me be plain. A caboose, in the oldest sense we know of, was a shack built on a ship’s deck to house the stove and/or to store the food. It was used when there wasn’t a proper galley. The word is descended from Middle Dutch kombuys via French cambuse (and we’re not really sure where kombuys comes from; the etymons have the look of meaning ‘something-house’ but I’m not sure what the something would be. Also, although Portuguese comboio ‘train’ has a certain resemblance, it’s unrelated – though it is related to convoy). Other descendants of these words (e.g., modern Dutch kombuis, Swedish kabyss, Italian cambusa) still generally name a food storage place or a cookhouse. But in English, in particular in Canada and the US, the word got on a different train.

It’s not that other countries don’t have trains, of course. But in North America, the long freight trains that covered long distances needed a crew car at the back, partly so someone could hop off and reset a switch once the train had passed over it, partly to give a place to look over the train and make sure that everything was OK with it (no load shifting, no damage, no fires, no detachment), partly to give a place to do paperwork and to sleep and cook, and they decided to call the car – which was originally just a cabin on a flatbed – a caboose, after the shipboard thing it first resembled. (It’s not that nowhere else in the world had similar cars; they just didn’t look quite the same, and they weren’t called cabooses.)

Cabooses are cute, especially the ones with the little cupola on top. The cupola is there so a crew member can look over the train; some cabooses instead had bay windows on the sides, and some had both. But there’s something very Richard Scarry about a little head poking up in a little cab on the top of a little red car at the end of a train. If you’re a kid and you see one, of course you wave! And maybe the train whistles back at you (probably not, though; you’re at the end away from the whistle).

Nowadays, though, you should neither wave nor whistle, for the only caboose you are likely to see on the average day is the rear end not of a train but of a person. The transference of sense is obvious – from back end to back end – and the word has a certain fun sound to it, complete with boo like in booty. But the train that got it there has moved on now. Train cabeese (sorry, cabooses) were legally required up to the 1980s, but improvements in train technology – which included not only cameras and sensors but also suitable room for crew quarters up in the engine – obviated them, and the train companies’ fiscal desires led to crew reductions, and so cabooses were written out of the law. And that made an end of them. So to speak.

plankton

Imagine you’re a right whale. Left to your own devices, you wander around the oceans, filter-feeding and taking it as it comes. No planked salmon for you, just plankton: copepods, krill, pteropods… the true drifters of the ocean, riding the current from past to future until they are baled by your baleen: a live-and-let-die diet. They’re not chewy; they’re so small, they’re indistinguishable from foam (and not the kind that’s gotten tired on Michelin menus – just the sea foam you see foam on the sea). You could have ten million in a dessertspoon of saltwater. In one baleen-filtered rightfully right full right whale mouth you could have as many microscopic life forms as there are whales and humans hosted by our whole planet, all brought together by circumstance, not a phalanx but just a huddled mass.

You could also have that as a human, if you were to drink seawater. But don’t. It will make you sick. Among the plankton are not just vanishingly small shrimp-looking and flea-looking and jelly-looking things but also mightily many bacteria and viruses, not to mention far too much salt for a human gut. Plankton is, after all, a whole class of thing: any kind of small living thing that drifts in the ocean, ranging from the micrometre scale to the centimetre scale – even a jelly or squid relative that is carried willy-nilly by currents counts as a plankter. It only matters that it not motivate volitionally in counteraction to currents.

The definition of plankton – and indeed the word itself (and the individual plankter) – was created in 1887 by the German marine biologist Victor Hensen. Plankton is, tout court, organisms that drift; the word is from Ancient Greek πλαγκτός (transliteration plagtós but phonologically plaŋktós), which means ‘drifter’ or ‘wandering’, from πλάζω (plázō) ‘I wander’.

Wander? Hmm, I wonder. There is another Greek word for ‘wander’: πλανάω (planáō), and it seems as though it could and should be related to πλάζω but it’s not clear how – the phonological transformation required is troublesome. Perhaps the two simply drifted together. It’s a big enough planet…

…and, by the way, planet comes from πλανάω because the planets (Mars, Venus, etc.) were seen by early astronomers to wander in the sky. Of course now we know that our own island home is also a planet like those others, and also that they are not wandering aimlessly; they are carried by the currents of gravity, swirling in the eternal gradual gravitational whirlpool of a star. Physics! We are all plankton, from the galactic to the Planck length.

What is the Planck length? It’s a short walk; before you know it you’re in the foam. Planck distances are the smallest conceivable distances in space and time; the Planck length is so small a hundred quintillion fit in a proton, and even the smallest bit of plankton is a whole universe, relatively. To quote David Mermin, “spacetime becomes a foam at the Planck scale.” It’s the great class equalizer, invented by Karl Ernst Ludwig Marx Planck – or, as he called himself from childhood on, Max Planck. (Why Planck? It seems that – to abridge a prolix peroration – his ancestors lived near a bridge, i.e., a plank across a stream. And plank, as it happens, traces back through the seven seas of European languages to Greek φάλαγξ, phalanx, which names a wooden board, or a mass of infantry arrayed for battle, or one bone of a finger.)

Well. That’s all a whale of a tale, isn’t it? But it’s not just a tale of a whale. In this ever-changing world in which we’re living, we all intake our share of plankton. After all, it’s not just adrift in saltwater; a dessertspoon of tapwater will likely have some too, as everything carries myriads of myriads of microscopic beasties, just drifting. The air does, too: aeroplankton includes viruses, bacteria, fungi, and even pollen and similar plant propagations. And of course aerosols; if you sit in a space with other people, they will exhale not just aeroplankton but microscopic water drops with various entities in them, and you will inhale some in turn (unless you’re wearing a well-fitted N95, and even then a few may pass through). They drift into you as you drift on this planet, whether wandering in the woods or tapping into the daily phalanx of the digital sea. Such is the foam of time and space, the walk we are planked on.

lizardry

Let us say, just to taste the air, that you want a word for the state, quality, or practice of being a lizard. Lizardlikeness? Hmm, no, not like. Lizardsomeness? Well, er, OK, but that’s just to do with the essence, you know, the state of being, rather than, say, the actual practice and so forth. We need a word that covers eating dragonflies, shedding skin, staring into space, occupying prominent appointments in certain political administrations, that manner of thing. 

Say… there’s an inspiration. What would be the equivalent for, say, coward? Or, on the other hand, wizard? Well, there’s cowardice, and cowardliness, and, on the other hand, wizardry. Is there wizardice or wizardliness or cowardry? And, to get to the point, is there lizardice, or lizardliness, or lizardry?

There is, in fact, wizardliness, though not, it seems, wizardice (except perhaps in some role-playing game). And there is cowardry. And, to get to the point, there is lizardly and, by extension, lizardliness; there is no lizardice (except in some social media handles and brand names, I guess), although I rather like that; and yes, Iva, there is lizardry, and I must say, I fancy it.

The truth is that -ry nouns have a broad appeal, and a broad range too. Wiktionary lists 308 of them. And among those, there are 12 that have -ardry. The rest are bastardry, blackguardry, drunkardry, dullardry, haphazardry (I like that), hazardry (gambling, apparently), Lollardry, niggardry (note that this refers to miserliness and is not related to a racial epithet that it somewhat resembles, but I’m inclined to avoid it anyway), and stewardry.

I should say that neither Merriam-Webster nor Oxford has lizardry. But Wiktionary does, and it has citations to support it – the first being from 1940, from Esmé Wingfield-Stratford’s Crusade for Civilization: “just as we can imagine that when Tyrannosaurus met Brontosaurus, no consideration of common lizardry prevented them from tearing each other to pieces.” (For those who wonder about the likelihood of this Jurassic picture: Mr. Wingedlizard-Stratocaster was not, I find, a paleontologist.)

Wiktionary’s definition of lizardry is “The state or quality of being a lizard.” But I can’t help but wonder whether there could be also some lizardmongery possible – you know, lizard husbandry: not wedding lizards but wielding them, or anyway enchanting or otherwise impelling them. Or would that technically be suborning lizardry? I mean, if you can suborn perjury and suborn bribery, you can suborn lizardry, right?

Which is not the same as saying you should, mind. If we’re talking figuratively, about being lizardly as a human, it may not be something we want to foster. As long as the lizards are merely lounging, we have little to fret about, but if they are being skinky right from the gecko, they will need strict monitoring, no heel dragon, lest you have a reptile dysfunction. 

On the other hand, if we’re talking about literal lizardry, well, that’s lovely; suborn to your heart’s content – perhaps you can be the Dame aux Chameleons.

slog

A while back, I asserted confidently that “traipsing is exactly like walking, only much much worse.” Several people responded to disagree with me, which just goes to show that different people even in the same culture have quiet but real differences in the meanings they attribute to some words. (For the record, dictionary definitions are broadly, though not invariably, in agreement with my sense of traipse; but the dictionaries clearly have not consulted absolutely everyone.) I will hazard a guess, though, that I will not get such disagreement when I say that a slog is never pleasant.

Let me put it this way: If someone said “That was an easy slog,” what would you think?

You might hear someone say that, after all. But you’d probably think they were being witty, or perhaps that they’d grabbed the wrong word, or that slog was a word they hadn’t fully gotten a grip on. Because by definition, a slog isn’t easy. Right?

But let’s look at it from another angle. If I search the Corpus of Contemporary American English to see what words most often precede slog, I see long, hard, tough, uphill, slow, and frustrating, in descending order. We seldom refer to just “a slog”; a slog is pretty much always “a long slog” or “a hard slog” or something like that. So I have to ask: To what extent are those adjectives superfluous?

Consider: Wiktionary defines slog (noun) as “A long, tedious walk or march” and “A hard, persistent effort, session of work or period.” Merriam-Webster says it’s “hard persistent work,” “a prolonged arduous task or effort,” or “a hard dogged march or journey.” So can we not agree that, on the face of it, long slog, hard slog, and tough slog are all pleonastic?

And yet. Somehow, the reinforcement – and perhaps the emphasis on the particularly salient quality that makes the instance a slog (the duration or the effort) – seems part of the expression. Besides, think of the berry in cranberry: there isn’t cran- anything else (except in blends like cran-apple), but we can’t just say cran. So why not an overspecified slog? And anyway, the extra word adds a certain iconicity: Concision would not be in the spirit of a slog. A slog is something you gotta keep slugging at, like a…

…well, not a slug, because slugs don’t slug other slugs (or people). But slugs slog, don’t they? The verb slog means ‘move or work slowly, deliberately, and tediously’ – though it can also mean ‘hit something with a heavy blow’. In other words, to slog, either be a slug or slug something.

Incidentally, slugs are called slugs because they’re sluggish, and not the other way around; slug referred to a slow person long before it ever referred to a gastropod. But slug meaning ‘hit’ doesn’t seem to be related; that verb probably comes from the same root as German schlagen ‘strike’ (which shows up in Goldschläger, which has made many people sluggish, but only coincidentally). 

Anyway, as it happens, slog might be related to slug. We’re not sure. But if it is, it’s related not to the slow-moving person or animal, but to the blow. As in you keep slugging away (rather than, say, going on strike).

But, as I say, we’re not sure. The use of slog to refer to hitting hard showed up in the earlier 1800s; the use to refer to working hard showed up in the later 1800s. Either way, that’s pretty recent, as such words go, so it’s probably drawing on another English word – or on several, on the basis of what just sounded right, as people sometimes confect words by vibe. After all, you won’t find too many bright and sprightly things named with similar-sounding words. Slog sounds like slow going: A slovenly slob in a slum may slobber slop slowly and slothfully down a slope, but you need to move the vowel sound up and forward in the mouth if you want anything slick or slippery or even slim. You can slog doggedly like a hog on a log in a clogged foggy soggy bog; you might go jogging with a frog, but you won’t do a vigorous jig on a big twig with a pig. 

Which makes me wonder whether a slog that is not long and hard might be a slig – a slight reduction, and why not? But there is, in fact, no such thing. If you take the labour from the slog, you have nothing at all… or anyway, you’re done already and it’s time for a break.