I talk about word tasting regularly. But actual wine tasting has a lot in common with opinions on grammar.
I’ve tasted a lot of wine in a lot of places served by a lot of different kinds of people, and one thing that’s pretty consistent is that the people who know the least about it have the most rigid and snobby opinions. It seems they’re insecure and make up for it with bluster and strict rule-following. Meanwhile,those who know the most about it have a well-informed open-mindedness and are focused on enjoying it. Compare tasting experiences with different people pouring:
| Person who has taken a one-day course in wine and wants to come off as an expert | The winemaker |
| [wears business formal attire] | [wears a puffy vest over an old button-up] |
| “You will taste blackcurrants, plums, and black pepper in this. Eucalyptus? No, there’s none of that.” | “What do you think? …Eucalyptus? Yeah, I see what you mean! I think that’s the 5% tempranillo and maybe some of the terroir.” |
| “This wine matches well with roast beef and grilled meats. …Oh, no, never have red wine with white meat.” | “Don’t tell anyone, but I opened a bottle of this red blend with Thanksgiving dinner. Turkey is just a stuffing and cranberry sauce delivery system, right?” |
| “That’s not ready for tasting. It needs three years in the cellar.” | “Here, let me get you a barrel sample. We’re bottling this next year… It’s looking really promising.” |
| “Please. Let me get you a clean cup. You don’t want to contaminate the taste.” | “Just use the same glass. The next one’s darker anyway. I’ll swap up when we get to the sweet wines.” |
| “Oh, those grapes are completely different. You could never mistake the one for the other.” | “I thought I was trying a Merlot from Oregon and it turned out it was a Pinot Noir from California!” |
| “Never chill red wine!” | “Try this Grenache chilled. You’ll be surprised how well it works! Refreshing, right?” |
| “This wine is a higher-quality wine at a higher price point.” | “Taste this! You won’t believe how little it costs!” |
You get the general idea. If you’re talking to someone who says “Never do that” or “Always do this,” you’re not talking to someone who’s spent their life enjoying wines. You’re talking to someone who’s more concerned with appearing to know something than actually knowing it and enjoying it. The fear of seeming ignorant is overriding – they associate lesser knowledge with lower status. Meanwhile, the people who really enjoy it and enjoy knowing about it also enjoy discovering it with other people.
So what does this have to do with grammar? It’s the same divide: The snobs don’t know a lot, and those who know a lot aren’t snobs. I’ve been a language professional for 20 years and I know a lot of other language professionals… and I’ve heard and seen no end of grammar grumblers. Here’s how it typically goes:
| Grammar snob | Language professional |
| [only reads literary fiction] | [loves genre fiction and “trash”] |
| “Ain’t ain’t a word!” | “Say it ain’t so!” |
| “These Twitterers don’t even know how to use proper grammar.” | “Twitter English is fascinating. It adds so many levels of nuance.” |
| “Never end a sentence with a preposition.” | “Grammar superstitions aren’t something I really cotton to.” |
| “Misplaced apostrophes upset me so much! I have to fix them!” | “Did you see what that nitwit with the marker did to that sign? Someone needs to get a life.” |
| “A sentence always has to have a subject and verb.” | “Not really.” |
| “There is only one correct English.” | “I don’t wear white-tie to the beach. Why would I use formal English in a beer ad?” |
| “Singular they is an abomination.” | “Yay! We’ve added singular they to the style guide! About time.” |
| “The language is in a dire state. People don’t even know what words mean anymore.” | “Hey, look! Merriam-Webster just added a whole bunch more words! Ooh, including some new verbings.” |
| “Swearwords are a sign of limited intelligence.” | “Did you see? Another study showing smart people tend to swear more. F— yeah.” |
| “When someone makes an error, I just have to correct them.” | “Ha. Say what you want. I’m off duty and I don’t do freebies.” |
People who enjoy wine enjoy wine in as many ways as possible and want other people to join in that enjoyment. People who enjoy language enjoy language in as many ways as possible and want other people to join in that enjoyment.
That doesn’t mean anything goes – you’re unlikely to see a wine lover drinking cabernet sauvignon with a tuna sandwich, but just because they are unlikely to taste good together. And most wine lovers have their favourites and least favourites. Likewise, language professionals have things they like more or less (there are certain turns of phrase I’m almost allergic to, but I know that’s me), and they can recognize what’s not going to work well on a page and fix it. That’s why they’re professionals.
The point is to get as much from it as you can. If you’re rigid about rules and who’s right and who’s wrong, you don’t really care about what you claim to care about. You just care about status. But since your pursuit of being “right” is making you wrong a lot of the time, well, as the saying goes, you just went hunting and shot your dog.
Sesquiotica 
Great post, thank you! I love the analogy.
I agree with you 95%. However, missing and misplaced apostrophes upset me quite a bit, because *nearly all the time* the “rules” for their placement are extremely easy to learn; getting them “wrong” simply shows a lack in the basic education of the writers’ teachers — and that is why I get upset. Only about 3 “rules” will ensure my 95% accuracy figure — I am dredging up my memory on this, so I may well be a little off — but, e.g., rule #1: no possession = no apostrophe! This rule will expunge about 85%, including the “greengrocers’ apostrophe.” —— So, I would prefer this one item omitted from your excellent lists.