Category Archives: word tasting notes

cerumen

This word has a low, flat, thick look to it; every letter in it is rounded in at least one place, and none of the letters ascend or descend. It is rounder at the front than at the back, but it gets a bit of symmetry from the two e’s: each one a letter in from the end, poised flanking the middle like a pair of ears. And each of those e’s stands for an unstressed vowel; the main vowel is that long /u/ in the middle, making the heart of this word a “room”.

There is something about this homely word that makes me want to wax fantastic – to enter into the realms of fantasy created by such as Tolkien and Rowling, realms presided over by great long-bearded white-haired old wizards, almost superhuman (should I say surhuman?). It makes me think of Saruman in The Lord of the Rings, mainly because of the sound of his name of course. It also makes me think of Dumbledore from the Harry Potter books, at least in part because of a scene in which, after talking with Harry, he eats one of Harry’s Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans and, on tasting it and discovering the flavour, says, “Alas, earwax.”

Yes, alas, earwax. You see, another thing all those old wizards have in common is hairy ears, and that makes me think of, alas, earwax. (Which in turn makes me think of Terry Pratchett’s Granny Weatherwax, who is also old and magical but has a few noteworthy differences from the Dumbledore-Saruman-Gandalf type.) And earwax is the more Anglo-Saxon word for cerumen. Or should we say that cerumen is the Latin-derived word (from cera, “wax”) for earwax. Voilà: we have moved from exalted wizards to Shrek.

It’s interesting that both words, cerumen and earwax, have round and soft sounds but with a sharper hiss at one end; earwax is more contrasty because it has the truly round rolling /rw/ and the crisp /ks/, while cerumen has just the soft hiss of /s/ and rolls on through a liquid and a round vowel to nasals. Also, earwax has that x, which always catches the eyes. And for ears it has a and a, not the e and e of cerumen.

I suppose it’s indelicate to use the word taste around words relating to bodily excretions, but, then, J.K. Rowling had that jelly bean, so I will continue: I find that cerumen has little tastes of serum and sermon and perhaps cumin, with a set of letters that may add to b t to scramble and make recumbent; the swapping of an i for an e would allow an anagram of numeric.

None of which really has much of any relation to earwax. But just as well. Earwax should be left alone; any otorhinolaryngologist will tell you that (the usual line they give is “Don’t stick anything smaller than your elbow into your ear”). It’s there as your ear’s natural crap-trapping and cleaning mechanism, and it gradually works its way out thanks to the movements made by the motion of mastication. You can think of it as like a glacier of your head – although glaciers are not as a rule so sticky (or, for some people, especially of some East Asian gene pools, crumbly).

paraphernalia

Look at this long word, with its six syllables and assorted bits and pieces of letters, a pair of p’s, a pair of r’s, a quartet of a’s, and five other miscellaneous ones, sticking out in various directions. It sounds a bit like a puff of wind blowing through a window and flapping the curtains and causing the papers to flutter. It makes me think of the multitude of little bits and pieces sometimes seen hanging off of and out of the bag of my remarkable wife, such an asteroid belt of small flapping and dragging things that some fellow figure skaters once compared her to Grizabella from Cats.

But paraphernalia refers to more than just random stuff, and the length of the word – and its evident Greek origin – give it a more technical air too: it sounds like a word you would see on a police report.

Probably in the phrase drug paraphernalia, in fact, which is one of the top places you’ll see this word. Also marijuana paraphernalia and cocaine paraphernalia and injection paraphernalia. But also medical, fishing, camera, and quite often ritual. And very often other paraphernalia.

Because it’s too unkind to say junk and too brutishly vague to say stuff and too vulgar to say shit. You could say things, but that’s not a very spread-about-and-scattered word. You could say appurtenances, but that mainly has a sense of “belongings”, as opposed to paraphernalia, which seems to imply assorted things all in orbit around a central function. As Visual Thesaurus puts it, paraphernalia is “equipment consisting of miscellaneous articles needed for a particular operation or sport etc.”

So here’s a question, raised by my colleague Rosemary Tanner: what about if you have just one? Paraphernalia are miscellaneous associated articles; what if you have just one of those associated articles? You have a paraphernalium?

I like that. But actually it’s not quite what you have. The singular is in fact paraphernalis. (Sounds sort of like three women’s names, doesn’t it?) It’s Latin, yes, but it’s borrowed from Greek: παράϕερνα parapherna, from παρα para “along with, beside” and ϕέρειν pherein “carry, bear, bring”. So it’s bring-alongs, yes? And a paraphernalis would just be a thing you happen to have with you?

If you’re a new bride, perhaps. The original use of paraphernalia (and of the now-disused word parapherna), you see – in English as well as elsewhere – was specifically those things a woman brought with her into the marriage other than her dowry. It used to have a legal sense: though the paraphernalia became the husband’s property, the wife was entitled to their use and enjoyment, and on the husband’s death, she would retain them. They did not include furniture. (Remember that Shakespeare had to will his wife a bed.)

That legal situation changed more than a century ago, of course: women have more rights now. The various socks and laces and scarves and pins and so on hanging out of my wife’s massive shoulder bag are her paraphernalia, sure, but they haven’t become my property. (I have enough crap of my own anyway.) And since the word isn’t needed officially for that, it is no longer part of the legal lexical paraphernalia of a marriage contract, and it is free to attach to whatever else.

So it has largely moved from one addictive, mind-altering thing to another: from marriage to drugs. But I will admonish you that if you speak of a paraphernalis, it may be you who are thought to be on drugs. And if you write it, it will be taken for a typo. (Anyway, the thing about paraphernalia is that there’s never just one piece of it.)

expletive

I was back at the house of Marcus Brattle, my adolescent ex-Brit mentee, tutoring him in the finer (and sometimes coarser) points of grammar.

“One thing I’ve always wondered,” he said. “In a sentence like It’s raining, what’s the it? The sky, the weather, what?”

“None of the above,” I said. “It’s just there because in English we need an explicit subject. It’s just a filler. An expletive.”

“A wot?”

“Expletive.” I wrote it down so he could see the spelling.

“Oh,” he said, “ex-plee-tive. As in deleted.”

“In North America,” I said, “it is pronounced ex-pla-tive. In spite of the fact that the ex is a prefix. It’s from ex ‘out’ and plere ‘fill’.”

“Right enough,” Marcus said. “I’ve said a few expletives when I’ve had to fill some things out. But, to return to the first question, I didn’t say ‘It’s bloody raining,’ I just said ‘It’s raining.’”

“Yes, the it is an expletive.”

“You’re missing a ‘sh.’”

Pause. I sighed. “Not ‘Shit’s raining.’”

“For which let us be thankful,” Marcus said. “That would be excretive.” Some days I wondered whether I had succeeded in teaching him anything other than my own worst habits. “And perhaps explosive,” he added.

I waved that one away with both hands. “Well, let me be explicative. Expletive refers to all sorts of verbal padding and empty filler.”

“Things that may be well deleted.”

“If they’re emphatic vulgarities, they may be trimmed without grammatical damage. Note that not all vulgarities are really expletives; some are main verbs and nouns.”

“No shit. You’re shitting me.”

“Two good examples.”

“Thank you. I will accept the bonus points.” Marcus smiled.

“Anyway,” I continued, “syntactic expletives such as the subjects of It’s raining and There’s a duck on the table are there precisely because they can’t be deleted. In a complete English sentence, you need a subject to receive the nominative case from the verb.” I stopped, realizing that case theory was probably a bit beyond the curriculum. “They’re spear-carriers,” I said.

“Well, you can’t shake a spear at that, but it sounds a bit exploitative.”

I nodded. “Theirs is an empty existence. Look, I’m sure you will like the take on it on The Nasty Guide to Nice Writing. It’s by that dirty old man, Dirk E. Oldman.” I wrote down the URL, nastyguide.wordpress.com.

“I like the sound of it, though… expletive.” He said with with drawn-out relish. “It sounds excellent and complicated. Crisp and clicky and mechanical, rather like the sound of some of the naughty words it refers to, with their ‘sh’ and ‘f’ and ‘t’ and ‘k’ and so on. Actually,” he said, getting up, “I think I know what it sounds like.” He trotted into the kitchen. “How’s this?” I heard a sound that was evidently a cultery or utensil drawer being rattled.

“Sort of like that,” I said.

“No, no, wait for it…” he shouted. There was a sound as of pots and pans being banged around. “I think it sounds like an egg being cracked into a frying pan.”

Oh brother. Adolescent boy. Another excuse for a snack. I got up and headed into the kitchen. Where I promptly collided with Marcus, on his way between fridge and stove. “Bollocks!” he said, stepping back.

“Now that,” I said, “was an exclamative expletive.”

“Actually,” he said, indicating the yellow-and-clear goo and shell bits now running down the front of my shirt, “that was an egg-splat-ive.”

chirality

Let’s start with a little combinatorics problem.

Say there are four friends gathered for lunch. Let’s call them Alana, Alex, James, and Trish. They are sitting in a restaurant booth, two on one side, two on the other. Now let’s say that the two men – Alex and James – are right-handed and the two women are left-handed. As they are about to start eating, it is observed that they have managed the most unfortunate arrangement of conflicting chirality: on each side, a left-hander and a right-hander are seated so that their active elbows are towards each other and thus will be in conflict throughout the meal. Now: assuming that all possible seating arrangements of two and two are equally probable, what are the odds of this state of affairs?

This is the question with which we challenged ourselves while waiting for our pancakes, eggs, bacon, et cetera on Sunday. I invite you to ponder it. I will give an answer at the end.

I will say that we decided not to rearrange ourselves, and we managed suitably well anyway. But, ah, the bedevilment of chirality.

We know chirality is bedevilling. How many times have you used, or heard, “The other left” when a direction to look or act left was responded to with a look or act to the right? Or vice-versa? We may know which hand we write with (except on certain mornings), but we still manage to confuse the sides from time to time.

Mirrors, those semiotic prostheses, highlight the issue. Indeed, the Oxford English Dictionary definition of chiral (from which we get chirality) is “not superimposable on its mirror image”. It is often thought that a mirror reverses the image. It does not; it just happens that when someone turns to face you they rotate on a vertical axis and so they reverse on that axis. You might as well think mirrors reverse front and back: if someone has their right on your right and their left on your left, their face is away from you, not towards you as the mirror would suggest. Indeed, if we turned by flipping so that our heads were down and our feet up, some people would say that mirrors reversed head and foot, not left and right.

But, although these thoughts are automatically prompted by today’s word, I am risking drifting away from the word at hand. And chirality is a word at hand, quite literally. Its more plain-spoken English equivalent is handedness. It comes from Greek χείρ cheir “hand”, which shows up in various other words, probably the best-known of which is chiropractor (they use their hands to work their medicine). You will also see chiropodist, which is not someone who uses their hands on your feet but someone who treats both hands and feet (compare otorhinolaryngologist, an ear-nose-and-throat doctor).

There are few other cute words that use this root. Among them are chiromancy, palm-reading; chirognomy, the form of the hand and the study of one’s character from that form; chirosophy, a synonym for either of the previous two; chirography, handwriting; chiromachy, hand-to-hand combat; and my favourite, chirapsy, touching or rubbing with the hand. (Ah, good hands are a rhapsody, and a good touch of a good hand can lead to rapture.)

In every case, the ch is pronounced /k/ in English; the original Greek has it as a velar (or postalveolar) fricative, but it came through Latin, which made a /k/ sound of it, and English has long since lost its velar fricatives anyway. So chirality starts with a hard stop at the back, and then moves to the tongue tip: a liquid, a liquid, a stop. The vowels gradually and with a slight hesitation proceed from low-central to high front. But it exhibits no right-left chirality.

Could a speech sound exhibit chirality in its articulation? Actually, yes. Ask a speaker of Xhosa or another language containing a lateral click which side they click on. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, it’s the sound many Anglophones use to summon a horse. I do it on the right, but can do it on the left if I want. Other than that one, you will see little chirality in speech articulation. And even with that one it doesn’t have a meaningful effect on the sound.

But chirality can have a meaningful effect in other areas. And I don’t just mean the stats that show that left-handers don’t live as long as right-handers. There are many things in nature that have chirality, from seashells right down to certain molecules – DNA, for instance. A mirror image of a molecule (an enantiomer of it) is a different molecule. Sugars twist to the right; the mirror-image version of them tastes the same but isn’t digested. There would be sweeteners made of left-handed sugars, except no one has found a way to make them economically. (Naturally, such apparent tampering with nature would be seen by some as sinister. Fittingly, since sinister is Latin for “left-hand”.)

Similar issues of chirality appear in electromagnetism, particle physics, and mathematics – including geometry and anything else that has spatial implications. Such as some combinatoric problems.

Oh, yes. To return to our opening problem: one in six (22/4!). There are 24 ways to sit (4×3×2) and 4 ways to sit in the chirally pessimal arrangment (2×2). The optimal seating arrangement, from an elbow perspective, would have males on one side, females on the other, with elbows away from the wall. The odds of that are also one in six. That’s assuming that the four of us won’t by habit have a male and a female on each side, always a possible inclination for us dioecious humans.

coccygeal, coccyx

Oh, look at that chick! The backs of her shirt and pants have parted ways a bit! See? Oh, see? See?

Why?

There’s a tattoo there! She has a coccygeal tattoo!

A what?

C-O-C-C-Y…

No, no, no, I mean what do you mean by coccygeal? Are you going cuckoo?

Ha! Thereby hangs a tail!

A tale? I have a bone to pick with you.

I’d say you’re picking a tailbone. Specifically a beak-shaped one.

A beak? But a beak pecks. That’s why in England they call your nose your pecker. Which I am aware means something else in North America. Here, though, you’re talking about a tail. No, not that kind of tail.

I’m talking about the coccyx.

The cock six? What? This is really going downhill.

No, no, no, coccyx. That means “tailbone”. It just sounds like “cock six.” It comes by way of Latin from Greek κόκκυξ kokkux “cuckoo”. Apparently your tailbone is shaped like a cuckoo’s beak.

At least cuckoos’ beaks are still useful. A tailbone is just there for jarring on things. And what was that other word you used to refer to the sigil she has intagliated on her vestigial entailment?

Not really intagliated, just inked. The word is coccygeal. The adjective relating to the coccyx.

“Cock sidgy all.” It occurs to me that it sounds a bit congealed, concealed, or occluded.

Well, not that one. I won’t say you can see the tip of her tailbone, but…

Yes, you can see her butt, a bit. Perhaps a bit to excess.

But don’t look now.

Did you just say “coccyx” again?

No, that was the sound of her boyfriend cracking his knuckles. I said don’t look… he might cold-cock you one and clean your clock…

Say, what is that tattoo?

It’s some kind of cyclic form… an ouroboros?

Ah, yes, the snake eating its tail. You know who dreamed of those and unlocked the molecular structure of the benzene ring?

Yeah… Kekulé.

peristalsis

I’ve just finished reading John Steinbeck’s Cannery Row, an exceedingly well written and entertaining book. Towards the end is this wonderful passage:

The nature of parties has been imperfectly studied. It is, however, generally understood that a party has a pathology, that it is a kind of an individual and that it is likely to be a very perverse individual. And it is also generally understood that a party hardly ever goes the way it is planned or intended. This last, of course, excludes those dismal slave parties, whipped and controlled and dominated, given by ogreish professional hostesses. These are not parties at all but acts and demonstrations, about as spontaneous as peristalsis and as interesting as its end product.

Zzzzzinggg! Man, what a scalpel-sharp tongue that Steinbeck had! On reading that, of course, I immediately thought, “I haven’t done a word tasting note on peristalsis yet.”

I imagine there is an off chance you may not know what peristalsis is. Well, you know how worms move, right? They move by peristalsis: a smooth-muscle flow of contraction and expansion (from Greek, περι peri “around” plus στάλσις stalsis “contraction, constriction” – which in turn is derived from στέλλειν stellein, verb, “set, place”). But Steinbeck did not have worms in mind, and neither do most people when speaking of peristalsis. Indeed, one does not want to have worms in the place one normally encounters peristalsis.

And where would that be? Follow your gut. Food passes through your innards from mouth to stomach through intestines to back door propelled by peristalsis. It happens automatically and regularly, and thus is not, to Steinbeck’s mind, spontaneous – although, given that it occurs without conscious impetus, it does meet a definition of spontaneous. And as to the interest factor… well, some people do study the stuff. It’s a necessary thing.

I don’t want to put you off your bedtime snack, breakfast, or whatever you’re eating as you read this, though. I think we can taste the word without thinking about all that shi… stuff, I mean. For one thing: does the movement of the mouth in saying peristalsis have any similarity to that of actual peristalsis? The closest movement of the mouth I can think of to peristalsis would be the swallowing you do while drinking a glass of something. This word has little of that – just a small reverse wave at /rɪst/; aside from that, it pops off the lips to start and then stays mainly on the tongue tip after. You may think of the s and the s and the s as having some resemblance to the contractions, but aside from that the shape of this word is a little too prickly, to my eyes, to cue the sense.

But, ah, what to make of this word? You take it into your mouth and mind and swirl it around and chew it up and pass it into your system. Perhaps it gets rearranged in the initial mastication: plaster sisi, ’tis ripe lass, sassier plait, rises at lips, sir sips late, is as tripes, retails piss, spirit seals, triples as is; perhaps the sounds are picked apart, “Paris tall sis, sis tips all air, pall stair sis…”; perhaps the associations and echoes are turned one way and another. As a reader, you digest. And you gain mental nutrition from the words. It’s an interesting process. In the end what comes out is not waste but something more like a fertilized plant.

I imagine Steinbeck’s mind worked in a similar way. Words and images and concepts and relations and sounds were taken in at one point, and mixed and matched and turned this way and that, and they passed through the unconscious processes that propel them through the brain with some things taken and some things given, and at the end the product is quite interesting.

Still, I think I see Steinbeck’s point. I would not want to be at one of those peristaltic parties.

ignotum

There’s a poem I wrote several years ago that I never published anywhere, don’t know why. It would probably be best suited for a kids’ book, or at least a book for kids who don’t mind a couple of bits of Latin tossed in (in other words, just the best kind of kid). It’s not serious poetry, but I’m fond of it. Here it is:

Absent
by James Harbeck

This is a picture of something I lost.
I bought it somewhere; forget what it cost.
I’m pretty sure that it didn’t get tossed.

I took this picture the following day
just to recall that this thing got away.
It’s not for art; it has nothing to say.

There on the table you’ll see there’s a space
where it would be if it sat in its place.
I’m holding that spot for it now, just in case.

Have a good look so you’ll identify it
if, on some mission, you happen to spy it –
just bring it back here and end my disquiet.

You see, it’s the absence ’twixt table and air –
just look at the picture; there’s no need to stare,
you can see at a glance: it’s the thing that’s not there.

So bring me my thing and I’ll toss out this photo
the moment I have it concrete and in toto,
as large as the life and no longer ignoto.

Until then, I’m keeping this space in its spot.
But if it comes never, it won’t get forgot—
I still have my snap of the there that it’s not.

Now, what’s the unknown word in there? Ignoto. (You’ve probably seen in toto before.) Indeed, you won’t find it in a dictionary. Certainly not in an English dictionary. It’s unlikely you’ll find ignoto in a Latin dictionary, either.

So I just made it up? No… I knew the word ignotum, Latin for “unknown” (neuter; masculine is ignotus, feminine ignota). A dictionary will give you the nominative form. But the dative/ablative form is ignoto. Meaning (according to context) “by, from, or to the unknown”. So there. Now you know.

But this word ignotum, now. I like it. It’s a good word. As I sit here writing this, I’m listening to Magnum Ignotum, composed by Giya Kancheli and performed by members of the Koninklijk Filharmonik Orkest van Vlaanderen. It’s a delicate and dark piece, full of the great unknown. Which is what magnum ignotum means: “great unknown” (I admit it does look like it means “large bottle of wine without a label”).

The taste of ignotum? I’m tempted to say “I don’t know,” but actually I do. It has a strong taste of ignorant and other ignore words, naturally; they’re related. It may also remind you of ignoble, though I would not say that the unknown is per se ignoble, though the anagram gum on it rather is. And it has airs of ingot and I got ’em, both of which convey senses of gaining value – does the unknown add value? Often it does. Omne ignotum pro magnifico, as the saying goes: “everything unknown is taken as great” – the unknown tends to be exaggerated in value or importance.

At the heart of this word is that /gn/, the tongue stopping at the back and releasing with a nasal at the front; it makes me think of having a cold. But it made the ancient Greeks and Romans think of knowing: the gno root shows up in a variety of words relating to knowledge.

I don’t suppose we really need this word as an addition to English; we have a word already, unknown, which happens to be cognate – the un like the in that became i in ignotum, the know coming from the same Indo-European source as gno. But it fills a nice little spot, an obscure word for the obscure, even an unknown word for the unknown. Why not? If you look up ignotum you’ll likely first find the potted phrase ignotum per ignotius, “the unknown by the more unknown”, referring to an explanation that is more obscure than what it is explaining. Mounting confusion – sure to put some gum on it. How ignoble. But sometimes fun.

tarsier

Imagine you are one of those rarities, one who tarries when the air is starriest, who leaps at dinner when the night’s dark is tarriest: to see in such Tartarean tenebrity would require a stare of the most wide-lidded kind… lids round as riatas, nearly diametric irises, and eyeballs the size of… well, your brain.

Enter the tarsier: a cute animal with acute night vision, thanks to eyeballs the size of its brain – yes, literally. It is a small, furry thing, terribly cute (though I’m sure Bucky, the cat in the comic strip Get Fuzzy, would find few things tastier than a tarsier); it has wiiiiiiiiiide eyes and looooooooong fingers, and very long feet. Relative to its body size, that is: their head and body are 4 to 6 inches long together, while their feet are about twice that, and the same for their ratlike tails. Tarsiers are probably the smallest primates in the world.

Primates? Yes, that’s right. The same gang as includes monkeys, apes, and the Archbishop of Canterbury (there’s an Anglican pun in there). But tarsiers are outliers, and perhaps tardier than most in evolving, though clearly they have evolved some features that suit their lifestyle. They’re night owls, so to speak – but not partiers; they’re terribly introverted, and if you come face to teeny, cute, little face with one it will probably stare in that freaked-out-on-acid way at you and keep eating – see one doing exactly that at www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuH48JW8XrU.

And, uh… what is that it’s eating? Oh, just a cricket. Quite a handful, isn’t it?

A cricket? Ewww!

Yup. These little buggers love those little bugs. Just bite through ’em like a candy bar. In fact, tarsiers are the only primates known to be purely carnivorous. They don’t eat vegetables at all. Banana schmanana, gimme a cricket. They also eat other insects, and also birds, snakes, lizards, and bats – though I’m sure they need to be careful that their eyes aren’t bigger than their stomachs. So to speak. They catch their food by jumping at it – they might bag a bird while leaping from tree to tree.

Do they begin to seem a titch less cute, perhaps a bit creepier, like Gollum, maybe? Well, they’re still furry little things with big eyes, and no matter how adorable any creature is, nature is red in tooth and claw. If you want harmless, go grow a pet carrot. Which, by the way, will be safe from any tarsiers in your neighbourhood. Which is only a concern if you live in the Philippines, Borneo, or thereabouts.

And about this name, now. Tarsier. Its pronunciation doesn’t have that much in common with that of Taser or brasier; rather, it’s just like “tar seer.” And whence comes this word? Its anagrammatical potential is mere good luck; it comes to us thanks to Georges-Louis Leclerc, Comte de Buffon, an 18th-century French naturalist who was really the progenitor of the study of evolution, though he did not take it as far as Darwin (he considered but rejected the idea of humans and apes having a common origin, for instance). Needing a name for this little critter he had encountered (and not thinking to ask what it might be called in, say, Malay), he focused on a salient part of its anatomy.

That’s right, its very long feet. The tarsus, after all, is that part of your foot between heel and toe (I will resist a pun on the sole of tarsus and the road to Damascus, as I’m sure many people would miss it, and others might be a-Pauled). The word comes from Greek ταρσός tarsos, which names exactly that same part of the foot.

Tarsos also means the rim of the eyelid. Hmm, would you look at that – it’s as though it was made for this creature, or vice versa.

rebus

R U 4 or ugNst cute-C text trix? Do they seem NOv8ive or SN9 and LlitR8?

Well, they may be cloying in their way, and occasionally strained. But even allowing that a rebus abuser bruises or rubs the wrong way, it is both inevitable and useful – and, at least for some, fun – that any language should have words that sound like other words or combinations of other words.

Rebus refers to more than just using letters and numbers to stand in for similar-sounding syllables, of course, though it does indeed include the F U N E M N X with which my father used to torture breakfast waitresses. (“F U N E M N X? Have you any ham and eggs?”) A rebus can, and typically does, include pictures of things that sound like the words or syllables in question: a picture of an eye for I, a picture of a bee for be, perhaps a picture of a female sheep for you, and so one. It sometimes also uses pictures of the actual things in question – a house for house, for instance.

I’m sure you encountered rebuses as a kid. They’re games that can help children learn language while putting the fun in phonetics. But rebuses have also had adult uses. They sometimes show up in heraldry and as a means of signature in artworks and architectural ornament: Lyhart might be a deer (hart) lying, Bolton an arrow (bolt) through a barrel (tun), and so forth.

They’re also important, at root, in why you’re even able to read this. Our alphabetic system of writing purports to represent individual sounds purely in the abstract, of course (though English’s system is erratic and capricious, and people often spell words according to how similar-seeming words are spelled – hence you see people writing kneck instead of neck because, after all, knee has a k). But that system evolved from a system (Egyptian hieroglyphics) wherein, first, certain things were represented by pictures of them, and then other things were for convenience represented by the symbols for things that sounded like them. And then the pictorial representations became more gradually abstracted, and were ultimately whittled down to representing single phonemes… at least ostensibly.

Not that the final whittling down is inevitable. Consider a language wherein certain things were represented by pictures of them (or of some pertinent aspect), and then other things came to be represented by combinations of pictures put together: one for something similar or identical in sound, and another for something similar in meaning. Sort of like putting an eye next to a person for “I” or a picture of a tank next to a picture of a smile for “thank”. And then perhaps over time the pictures would become more and more abstracted for ease of writing, to the point where sometimes the origin is not evident at all, but they still operate by a symbol-per-word (or -per-syllable) rule.

Which is a bit of a simplified description of how many Chinese characters came to being. Complex Chinese characters are typically formed on a sort of explained-rebus principle: one part for the sound, one for the sense. I have to tell you, it adds a layer of complexity to the learning of Chinese. But one thing it’s not is childish! The hieroglyphic and ideographic uses of the rebus principle do not hover between Jebus and Uncle Remus, as some of the more juvenile uses seem to. Indeed, these uses rebut that: the sounds of language are not mere rabbitting by rubes but rather reusable bits of verbal rebar, and not in the least rebarbative.

Oh, and should it be rebi? Is using rebuses the sign of an ignoramus? Certainly not. Rebus is not from a Latin masculine nominative singular, an -us that can become an -i; like omnibus, it is from a dative/ablative plural. (Ignoramus, meanwhile, comes from a conjugated verb.) When it is used as a nominative in English, it has been taken out of its native element and preserved in amber, as it were, and you have no choice but to use English inflections on it.

And why do we have this ablative Latin here? The standard explanation is that it is from the phrase non verbis sed rebus, “not by words but by things” – rebus is Latin for “by things”. Other related possibilities exist, but it is pretty certain that rebus, though we know it only by way of French, comes from Latin “by things”, re-bused to us; we get it on the rebound, as it were. In truth, though, it is not the things but just the pictures of the things that are used – we don’t need to go buy things to go “by things” or have picturesque language.

autodidacticism

I think autodidacticism may be headed for a little vogue. Not what it refers to, self-teaching; I think that that’s probably fairly steady in popularity – there are always people who like self-teaching and self-directed learning. But the amount of attention and endorsement it gets varies from time to time. And I think use of the word autodidacticism might be on the upswing.

This has in part to do with the victory of Bubba Watson at the Masters. The latest wearer of the green jacket is a man who has never taken a golf lesson in his life. He’s a “natural”; he just wanted to do it when he was a kid, and his dad told him to go out and do it. So he tried a lot of things and he worked out a style that works really well for him. He never watches videos of himself, has never deconstructed his swing, none of that. And we’re talking about a sport where many pros spend hours and hours on every little bit of their technique.

But I think that’s just one more crack in the dam. I’ve been seeing a few things here and there about people who teach themselves, and the benefits of self-directed learning, and how education and coaching can spend a lot of time ruining a natural technique and telling people what they can’t do. There are things like the TED talk by Ken Robinson on how schools kill creativity. And there’s the latest fad for hyperpolyglots, for instance – few people who know more than a half-dozen languages have taken formal courses in all of them.

I don’t know that I can lay claim to such accomplishment, but I do have at least a workable knowledge of a half dozen languages and an introductory acquaintance with easily a dozen more, and I’ve only ever taken formal courses in French, Italian, and Mandarin (and English, of course). The rest is from books and music and movies, just as much of the squillion odd other things in my brain are. Yes, I’m an encyclopedia reader, and always have been.

So that means I’m on the side of those who hold that all true learning is self-teaching, and that formal education kills creativity, right? Well, not so fast. I think that any truly thirsty mind will always be seeking more information wherever it can get it. But I also think that if you’re the person who’s deciding what you’ll learn about a subject, you’re being taught by someone who knows no more about the subject than you do – and why would you do that? Things that seem unimportant to the underinformed may turn out to be crucial. Better to have someone who knows what really needs to be known giving some direction.

And anyway, you can always ignore them. Don’t give me that crap about how having to focus on what your professor wants kills your creativity. What, you’re not smart enough to be able to keep your own counsel while at the same time telling someone else what they want to hear? I remember once hearing Germaine Greer saying that in her family they had held that straight A’s were a sign of a dull mind. What horseshit. Anyone who’s smart enough can easily get straight A’s if they want and still follow their own interests whatever they may be.

Ken Robinson seems to make some good points in his TED talk about how kids have the creativity trained out of them, given that the open-mindedness of small children is markedly greater than that of their adolescent or adult counterparts. But is it really fair to blame education for that? Developmental linguists will tell you that infants below a certain age can distinguish a variety of speech sounds that are not distinguished in their parents’ language, but as they get older and closer to speaking they start to perceive as the same sound pairs of sounds that their parents treat as the same sound (aspirated and unaspirated voiceless stops in English, for instance). That’s way before any formal education. In order to have usable knowledge, you have to be able to draw lines and group things and ignore irrelevant things.

And, honestly, people in general are pretty eager to unlearn as much as to learn: to discover rules and restrictions. People wanting to learn about English usage tend to prefer to be told clear, hard, and fast rules (even if they’re BS) rather than mushy principles that require application of judgement. As people grow, they want to organize their world around them to make sense of things, and that involves deciding what can’t be what. Don’t blame education for that. In fact, education can help us discover exceptions to our what-can’t-be-what ideas. Linguists have far more open and flexible minds about language than most people who have never formally studied language, for instance.

Look, when I was in junior high school gym, and we were doing a gymnastics show, I wanted to be a gymnastic clown. The gym teacher told me that that actually took more, not less, training and expertise. Otherwise you just make a mess, look stupid, and hurt yourself. And he was right. As the Tao Te Ching says, if you try to cut wood like a master carpenter, you just hurt yourself. When I wanted to learn to cook, my mother insisted I use cookbooks, not just “figure things out,” and she was right. I learned a whole lot a whole lot faster, and I wasn’t a crappy cook like the one named Autodidax in Asterix and the Laurel Wreath. Now I mostly invent recipes, but that’s because I learned from other people’s experience and insights. And I still use recipes from time to time for new ideas and advice. Education helps you not have to reinvent the wheel.

And those languages I learned from books? I didn’t learn them by reading the dictionary, and I didn’t learn them by starting with novels or newspapers. I started with books with titles like Teach Yourself Irish. Very disingenuous titles, those: the books are organized into well-planned sequential lessons by their authors. They should really be called Let Us Teach You Irish with This Book.

So that means I’m against autodidacticism? That I think it like autoeroticism? Heh heh. Not so fast. Obviously everyone who goes past high school makes decisions about what courses they will take where; everyone who has a thirsty brain decides what knowledge they want to drink in. When you read an encyclopedia, the information you get has been selected and presented for you by the authors, but you did decide to read that and not something else. There is always an element of individual decision. Learning is necessarily a cooperative thing, and it always takes place at the initiative of the individual. Try to teach someone who doesn’t want to learn and see how it goes.

And most people who have thirsty brains pursue at least some of their learning outside of structured education. And some of the things you learn you do learn by trial and error, by experience, not by anyone else’s initiative. So autodidacticism has its place: what you learned was not automatic; you always did act. No brain is an island, but no brain is a passive receptacle either.

And how about the word autodidacticism? Ah, yes. This is a word tasting! And this is a lovely long word – an excellent word. Fifteen letters, fourteen phonemes (or is it fifteen?). Doublets and triplets like musical counterpoint: autodidacticism – one each of u o s m, two of a a t t d d c c, three of i i i. And the phonemes – well, which ones they are will depend on your dialect and your idiolect. That will affect how crisp and how curvy the word is, too. Is that first /t/ really crisp and voiceless, or more like another [d] (really a flap, which is another sound)? Is that first i reduced or said with full value? The one thing you can be surest of is that it sounds rather dactylographic – the patter of my fingers on the keyboard as I type this is not so unlike the patter of my tongue as I say the word.

The morphemes should be fairly decomposable: auto + didact + ic + ism. It’s all from Greek by way of Latin. You should know auto – it refers to self, Greek combining form αὐτο. The didact comes from διδακτός “taught”. The ic is from a Greek adjectiving suffix, and the ism from a Greek nominalizing suffix. So even if it all seems Greek to you, once you learn what that Greek is, it’s comprehensible.

Oh, and how many syllables does this word have? No, go ahead, count them.

Then ask some of your friends to count them. See if you all get the same answer.

What you’ll probably be taught is that it has six. But if your dialect is like mine, you really say it with seven, or at least six and a half. The culprit is the ism. “That has to be one syllable,” some will say, “because it has only one vowel.” As though the number of written “vowel” letters ever corresponded all that closely with the number of vowels actually said. Many people insert a reduced vowel between the /z/ and the /m/; the Oxford English Dictionary shows it as optional and perhaps only partially there.

Say it a few times and decide for yourself. Then listen to other people and decide how they say it. Do not ask yourself which is right and which is wrong; the OED lists no fewer than nine different pronunciations, each of which with the optional vowel indicated, meaning that there are eighteen or (if you allow fractional syllables) even twenty-seven different versions available just in the OED. But remember that a dictionary is like a field guide more than it is like legislation. Keep your own counsel.

The important thing, whether you’re learning from a teacher or a book or experience, is to pay attention and ask questions. An incurious or sloppy mind will produce similarly crappy results no matter where, and an engaged and probing mind will produce similarly good results whether in the classroom or self-teaching.